Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Send help, water and tortillas.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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