True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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