Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
