Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
