Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
