Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
