That's when you crack a 10am beer
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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