It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
