my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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