your room smells of hookers.
And success
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
