When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
