You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
