week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
