Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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