guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
