Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
