It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
