I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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