I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
