Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
