His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
