This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
