i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
