I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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