I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
