About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
