I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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