Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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