I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
third nipple confirmed
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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