A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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