we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Randomize
