I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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