Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
