My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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