My cat gives me a boner
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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