I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
