can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
