I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
