I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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