I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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