I can't watch pbs sober anymore
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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