I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
