based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
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So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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