Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
