The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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