she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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