What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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