i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
