And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
