We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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