Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
