how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
