So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
