he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
