sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
