remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
