I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She's the barista slut.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
