There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Did we literally take a cab across the street
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
