And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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