Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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