well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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