I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
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please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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