1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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