I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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