you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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