You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
